The Benevolent Tyrant

My heart has escaped the bony prison I fashioned for it and while I'm here in the land of kimchi and dark eyes, it beats slowly, drying out in the hot sun of the south. The morning I realized it was missing I couldn't stop thinking about the emptiness, worried infection and vagrants would settle into the cavity, but by lunch I had forgotten the pain, and by dinner, I had stashed so many odds and ins in the convenient little hole that I had forgotten what used to be there. Now I'm worried what will happen when I head back to the hot sun and humid summers with blonde hair.

"...We have made a covenant with death, and with hell are we at agreement; when the overflowing scourge shall pass through, it shall not come unto us: for we have made lies our refuge, and under falsehood have we hid ourselves..."

I'm a lonely dragon shut up in his cave, his hoard slowly tarnishing and rusting away beneath his weight. Smoke is slowly rising from my lungs and passing over my dry, crackled lips and when I cough it sounds like the rumblings of distant thunder. I am large and mighty, possessed of a thick hide and my heart long ago burned away. Flames lick their away around my bones and my blood could fuel flames tonight.

Come back to me, I'm lonely. I'll let you into my cave without so much as a roar, and when inside and comfortable, lulled by my rhythmic breathing and resting your head on my chest, I'll set you aflame with the same blazing fire that churns inside of me.

So, I'll be able to lose my sanity while poring over dusty tomes and ancient clay tablets.

http://nelc.osu.edu

"You are beautiful as Tirzah, my love, comely as Jerusalem, terrible as an army with banners. Turn away your eyes from me, for they disturb me..."

"On the second night I had a dream, and behold, there came up from the sea an eagle that had twelve feathered wings...And I looked, and behold, he spread his wings over all the earth, and all the winds of heaven blew upon him,...And I saw how all things under heaven were subjected to him."

Seminar: Philosophy of Language
Seminar: Sociology of Apocalypticism
Logic 1
Justice
Advanced Zooarch Independent Study
Gender, Race, Class

""They will die of deadly diseases. They will not be mourned or buried but will be like refuse lying on the ground. They will perish by sword and famine, and their dead bodies will become food for the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth."

"In that day each of you will invite his neighbor to sit under his vine and fig tree"

"Our skin is hot as an oven,
feverish from hunger."

"They are wild waves of the sea, foaming up their shame; wandering stars, for whom blackest darkness has been reserved forever."

So, I read the message. That feeling when the hair raises on your neck? I get it. I feel a rush of heat up into my brain pan, my eyes lose focus and stare out, and I notice that I'm holding my breath and exhale. I look down. I'm feeling embarrassed. This is me remembering all those times as a child when I felt inadequate, foolish, out of place. This is a larger portion of me than you might realize. It's how I just felt when I realized I was being a nuisance. The same feeling I get when I begin to doubt my place in whatever system I'm currently residing.

I wish I had a map of this terrain, but all my previous adventures and quests and missions were met with land mines and explosions. I've managed to cross more or less terrain on differing occasions, but it all ends in my losing a leg and taking a train to the rear-lines to recover.

I've got nothing else to spill to you people.

I have no focus. My browser is open with tabs pointing to an article on Indo-Iranians, Cetacean Intelligence, an Ebay page with Meso-American archaeology books, and I'm thinking about how to write two research proposals, one dealing with the signs of butchery and intentional use on Terrapene carolina (that's the Eastern Box Turtle), and one seeking grant money in order to fund a dig of an historical cabin site behind the parking deck on campus.

I'm listening to a band I just discovered, I'm trying to figure out what it is I'm going to write my Senior Seminar paper on (the one I haven't started, and the one that has a rough-draft due on Tuesday of next) as well as contemplating my presentation on Hopwell and Hopewellian labor dynamics and the stress of mound-building on social and dietary systems.

To top this all off...I'm writing this. I need focus.

Any advice?

Was a good movie.

there are moments, brief ones, when i regret being a traitor.

crush . !

vodka is better than sober. it's cheap. it's painless. it's somewhat tasteless. and you know what? things are so much brighter.

I'm losing steam like a worn out locomotive.

Woe is me. Me thinks I'm turning into a god.